Of course my mother never taught me any of these things....at least not this way.

Things My Mother Taught Me

by unknown

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning the house!"
My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't sort yourself out, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week"
My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."
My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2 - "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the shops with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your dinner!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen THEN?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!">
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - "Just wait until we get home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING - "You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE - "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stick that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD - "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP - "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOR - "When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT - "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about GENETICS - "You're just like your father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS - "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE - "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
And my all time favorite... JUSTICE - "One day you'll have kids ...and I hope they turn out just like you!"

If you know who the author of the pieces is, please share with me so I can give credit where credit is due. waldsfe@hotmail.com

Last updated:
November, 2006

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