What to Tell the "in-laws"

Not long after a family decides they are going to homeschool their children they come face to face with the fact that they will have to eventually tell their in-laws what they have done. Some of us are lucky and have our family's support, but others of us have little support and most often than not, opposition coming from the in-laws.

The only advice I have comes from my biggest support, my mother. She always told me, "Honey attracts more flies, than vinegar." I have to agree with her because it worked for us.

Please tell the truth. Not only is it one of the commandment and a good thing to get in the habit of doing, but little ones do talk. When you tell the in-laws you are homeschooling, do it with a smile and without confrontation in your voice. Remember not only does honey attract more flies, it taste better coming out of your mouth than vinegar.

Remember their opinion counts, but yours matters. Take their opinion and if they are open, give yours. If they are not open, then the only thing giving yours will bring is contention. Contention is never good, it leads to destruction and if you can avoid it do not destroy the relationship you have. Remember their opinion counts, but yours matters. Eventually you may get around to sharing your opinion, but if you never do, respect theirs and know that you may never agree. But that's OK, because you are raising your children.

Remember that they probably didn't even know (or have a legal choice) about homeschooling when their children were in school and most likely the only knowledge they have of it is the stories that make headlines (and they aren't always good). Their concerns for their family is genuine (hopefully) and they have a right to their opinion, just don't let a negative opinion spoil your enthusiasm, your spirit and your attitude toward homeschooling. Don't let them plant the seed of doubt in your mind.

Let me tell your my story. When my eldest was two we heard about homeschooling and through a rather "lengthy" process decided that we wanted to do this. Of course we presented the idea to my mother in law. She was great in keeping most of her doubts to herself, but I could tell she wasn't sure. Whether she consciously thought it, her questions were direct and I always thought I had to "defend" my reason to homeschool. I wish I had thought to put my reason and goals down on paper instead of just letting them rattle around inside my head getting all mixed up when "under pressure."

It wasn't very long before her questions were no longer about if I could do it, but what I was going to do. What curriculum? How about language? How about music? How about socialization? How about your sanity? How does hubby feel about this? All those questions have been asked and I truthfully answered them, even if I didn't know, and I let her know I didn't know. I relaxed and guess what, she is all for it and even supports one of her own daughters in her efforts to homeschool.

As the saying goes, proof is in the pudding. So I let my children's action, words, and deeds speak volumes about how we raise our children. The best advocates I have for homeschooling my children are my children. They love to involve their grandparents in their schooling. They love to get wonderful books from grandma. I learned long ago that honey is my best weapon and having my children out in front pouring it on takes the sting our of any "war" that may arise. Actually there is no more war and never really was, just a concerned grandparent, and I love her for being so.

Now this same tactic rings true with our "all knowing and concerned" friends. Remember to treat them with respect and never give vinegar out. You and your friend will either come to the conclusion that you will agree to disagree and your friendship will be strengthen. I like to think of this as the honey that sticks you together.

PS--I also have to say, my husband was a tremendous support as we talked with "mom" about our desire to homeschool our family. I thank him for helping me spread honey along our way.

by Doreen Blanding

please contact her at waldsfe@hotmail.com for permission to use

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